How to Move on from the Narcissist
5/8/20244 min read
Alright, let’s cut to the chase. Moving on from a narcissist isn’t a walk in the park; it’s a grueling marathon through a mental and emotional minefield. This isn’t just about putting physical distance between you and them; it’s a battle to reclaim your mind and spirit.
You see, the connection with a narcissist isn’t just about memories or lingering feelings. It’s an energetic tie, as real and binding as physical chains. This tie is forged through a constant transfer of energy — your energy — feeding into their chaos. Every time you think, talk, or stress about them, you’re sending a lifeline of energy their way, keeping the connection alive.
But here’s where it gets tricky. It’s not just about stopping the thoughts; it’s about understanding the nature of this tie. When you were with the narcissist, your energy was being siphoned off, leaving you drained and vulnerable. This energy, tainted with their negativity, still lingers within you, pulling you into a vortex of low emotional frequency. This is where anxiety and depression take root, where bad luck seems to follow you around like a shadow.
To break free, you must first recognize the futility of trying to make sense of the narcissist’s actions. Understand this: their behaviors stem from a place of arrested psychological development. They’re acting out a script written by their own troubled pasts. And here you are, replaying their scenes in your mind, trying to understand the why and how. But guess what? That’s an anchor keeping you in their stormy seas.
The energy you’re investing in deciphering their motives is energy stolen from your healing. You’re not moving forward; you’re stuck in an endless loop of analysis, a mental hamster wheel. This fixation hinders your growth, your progress. It’s time to cut the cord.
Now, let’s get real. Staying mentally fixated on them, you’re not just stagnant; you’re at risk of sinking deeper into their world. This fixation can slowly morph your own perceptions and reactions, drawing you into a cycle of becoming what hurt you. That’s a dangerous path.
The way out? It’s a conscious, deliberate shift of focus. Forgive yourself for the time and energy lost. Stop seeing this as a period of your life wasted and start viewing it as a harsh but valuable lesson. It’s time to refocus on you — your growth, your journey.
Start cultivating interests, opinions, and habits that are entirely yours, untainted by the narcissist’s influence. It’s about building a new identity, one that’s grounded in your values, your desires. This isn’t just recovery; it’s a transformation.
Remember, if you don’t heal, if you don’t purge their toxic energy from your life, you’re carrying it into every new encounter, every new relationship. You’ll be viewing the world through a lens colored by your past experiences with the narcissist. The result? A repeat of the same patterns — disappointment, anger, resentment, fear.
To truly move on, it’s not enough to just walk away physically. You need to close that chapter emotionally and energetically. It’s about rebuilding your life with a foundation so strong that the mere thought of the narcissist becomes insignificant, a distant blip in the rearview mirror of your life.
When you’re trying to move on, the biggest trap you can fall into is letting your thoughts circle back to them. Remember how we talked about that energy connection? Every time you revisit those memories, analyze their actions, you’re feeding that toxic link. It’s like giving them a backstage pass to your life. And let me tell you, they don’t deserve it.
You’ve got to switch gears. It’s not just about moving away from them; it’s about moving towards something else, something better. Shift your focus. Pour your energy into passions, hobbies, goals, dreams. Paint, write, dance, run — whatever makes your heart sing. Create a life so full, so vibrant, that their shadow can’t touch you.
But here’s a harsh truth: if you don’t fully disconnect, if you don’t fully commit to this shift, you’re setting yourself up for a repeat performance. The next relationship, the next job, the next whatever — it’ll be like a bad sequel if you carry that narcissist’s energy with you. You’ll be stuck in a loop, and let’s be honest, no one wants to live their life on repeat.
And you know what? You might slip up. You might find yourself thinking about them, getting pulled back into their drama. That’s okay. It’s not about being perfect; it’s about being persistent. Acknowledge it, learn from it, and then get back on track. This is about progress, not perfection.
Here’s where it gets real: The longer you stay connected to them, the more you risk becoming like them. It’s a chilling thought, right? But it’s true. You start to see the world through their twisted lens, start to absorb their values, their behaviors. And that’s the last thing you need.
Forgiveness is your secret weapon here. Forgive yourself for the time lost, for the pain endured. See this whole mess as a chapter in your life that taught you more about your strength, your resilience, than you ever thought possible. And then close that chapter. You’re done with it.
You’ve got to develop new opinions, new interests, things that are entirely yours. This isn’t just about healing; it’s about rebirth. You’re not the same person you were when you entered that relationship. You’re wiser, stronger, and let’s face it, you’ve got a killer instinct now for spotting BS a mile away.
And as you’re rebuilding, be aware of the new energy you’re bringing into your life. You can’t step into a new reality with old patterns. You’ve got to be mindful, deliberate about the energy you surround yourself with. Choose positivity, choose growth, choose health. Surround yourself with people who uplift you, situations that challenge you in a good way, and environments that inspire you.
It’s about more than just moving on; it’s about leveling up. You’re not just recovering from a toxic relationship; you’re building a fortress of self-respect, self-love, and self-worth. And let me tell you, once you’ve got that fortress built, no narcissist, no energy vampire can touch you.
Remember, you’re not just surviving this; you’re thriving beyond it. You’re taking all that pain, all that confusion, and turning it into power. The power to define who you are, to dictate where you’re going, and to shape the life you deserve.